


Dr Brown

by orphan_account



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Embarrassment, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-23
Updated: 2019-01-23
Packaged: 2019-10-15 01:57:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17520023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: The Doctor learns the effects of alcohol the hard way.





	Dr Brown

The Doctor sat happily in Sylvia’s car next to Donna, listening to the sound of the engine running, much quieter than the TARDIS. They were on their way home from Alton Towers, which had been a lot of fun for the Doctor, despite his age, and space/time travel experience. They began to slow down behind a bit of traffic when he felt it. His stomach rumbling, and not out of hunger. There was also a bit of pressure in his anus. He wondered if he’d eaten something since usually the need to poop presents itself plenty early for him to find a bathroom in public or wait two or three hours until the TARDIS. He figured it didn’t really matter. It was just a bit of uneasy-ness. Traffic was probably just 1km long. He could wait. 20 minutes went by with no cease to the traffic. The pressure was intense now, and he had to push against, clenching his fists. He was getting worried, and Donna noticed. She figured he might need to fart, and so looked away to make it less awkward. He had no problem farting in front of her, in the right circumstance, meaning no eye contact or conversation. She waited a bit, but no sound or smell came. She looked over at him. He was still clenching his fists and looking stressed out the window at the traffic ahead. “Are you okay?”, she asked, which was code for “what’s wrong”. The Doctor just said “I’m fine”, and his eyes showed that he actually meant it, still remaining confident that he could wait.

Few more minutes past and he was sweating a bit, and his worry was spreading to his eyebrows. This showed clearly to Donna, that he wasn’t fine anymore. She whispered to the Doctor: “Do you need the loo?”. The doctor nodded. He was fortunate to have a companion he could be blunt with. Donna got a bottle from the small compartment at the bottom of the car door and held it out in front of the Doctor. The Doctor just said “No”. Donna asked “Why not?”, to which the Doctor replied, “It’s not going to work”. “What do you mean? It’s as private as it gets in this car.”, Donna said.“That’s not what I mean. It’s a bit bigger, what I’m dealing with right now, Donna”, he replied. The lack of shuffling the Doctor had been doing, suddenly made sense. She understood at once what he needed to do. She spotted a gas station in the distance. “Look, Doctor, we’ll stop there. Take the exit, Mom.” “No, actually, never mind, Sylvia. I’m not that hungry”, the Doctor lied. He whispered to Donna “I’d rather wait until the TARDIS.” “You sure you’ll be alright till then, Doctor?”, Wilf asked. Wilf enjoyed listening in on the Doctor and Donna’s whispering conversations, that they didn’t want either Wilf or Sylvia to hear. Wilf knowing was a little awkward, but quickly faded, as Wilf was just as understanding and nice as Donna. He just nodded, and Wilf lied to his daughter that the Doctor was a picky eater. Which was technically half-true, since the Doctor needed Donna to put chocolate syrup and sprinkles on his Brussel sprouts last time he had dinner with them. Donna thought at that moment, the Doctor reminded her of an overgrown 7-year old, which wasn’t too far of. Few more minutes pass and the gas station got closer. It was at this point that the Doctor knew he couldn’t wait. It was now or never. Emergency Protocol 2, the Doctor thought, while unbuckling his seatbelt, bursting out the car door and closing it behind him. He then skipped and ran across three lanes of traffic, and through the row of small trees between the road and the gas station. Donna barely had time to ask “what are you doing”, with no answer.

 

As the Doctor got to the gas station, he stretched his butt muscles, as hard as possible to make it possible to hold it in, and maintain his composure as he went into the shop. He calmly, but half-stressed, said: “Excuse me, do I need to buy something to use the bathroom?”. He was fortunately told that he didn’t, and was shown where the bathroom was. He went to the right, and as soon as there was a big white concrete wall between him and the guy at the counter, ran for the bathroom. To the Doctor’s great relief, it was a single bathroom. He sonicked the lock and soundproofed the door. The concrete wall was plenty thick enough to cover the rest of the noise. The Doctor ran to the toilet, unbuckled his belt, pulled down his trousers and pants, and let loose. The relief was enormous. The poop was explosive but not as painful as the Doctor had expected. One glance in the toilet confirmed the assumption. He had eaten something. The red and green pointed to enzymes connected with sugars and alcohol. Then the Doctor remembered. He had visited Donna’s “friend” Nerys for cocktails. The Doctor brought a bottle of revolutionary American brandy he purchased at a flea market from a historian. He had drunk two banana daiquiris with it. But it was from the 1770s, stored for 230 years. Clearly, his stomach disagreed with the old stuff. Especially since he usually used Aldebaran brandy kept in the TARDIS constantly renewed by the Time Vortex, therefore always fresh. He had definitely learned his lesson about appreciating old liquor too much. He finished up, and went back to the car, feeling much better. The car ride continued with the Doctor and Donna joking around happily again.

 

Two days later, two UNIT operatives were called to a sewer tunnel near the gas station. The sewer worker had found a lump of “unidentified organic matter of alien origin”. It really was only a small lump of green, red, brown and blue stuff. It was round and solid. Not soft enough to break apart when an agent squeezed it, but not as hard as a rock. It had frozen stiff in the cold of the sewer. It was placed in a special container and taken back to HQ. Later that afternoon, the Doctor, with Donna, arrived at UNIT to identify the piece of organic matter. The Doctor walked into the lab and instantly recognized the mushy, multicolored rock at the exam table to the right of the room. It was his. The end result of the incident in the car two days prior! The Doctor’s eyes were wide open and panicky as he ran to the right into a wide closet.

Donna knew the Doctor well enough to be used him running off without explanation. Usually, it was to go to the loo. So she just explained that “he does that sometimes”, which was plenty enough for Colonel Mace, who knew the Doctor and his eccentricity just as well as the rest of UNIT. Donna realized he’d been gone a while and figured he had hidden somewhere for some reason. She walked down the hallway whistling a catchy pop song they often sang together in the TARDIS. She heard the Doctor joining in from a closet and joined the Doctor in the closet. “What are you hiding in here for?”, Donna asked. “That sample isn’t just a sample, it’s mine”, the Doctor said. “What do you mean it’s yours?”,said Donna. “It’s what I.. produced at the gas station the other day”, the Doctor replied. Donna understood instantly why he was hiding. She could see why he’d be embarrassed enough to hide in a closet. They both came to the conclusion that there was no way out for the Doctor and walked back to the lab. The now confident and cheery Doctor walked over to the sample and identified to colors as being due to certain enzymes and listed them by the names he knew extremely well.. The UNIT scientist recognized them as Time Lord Enzymes. She asked the Doctor why there would be Time Lord enzymes in the lump. The Doctor responded “Because it came from my stomach. This sample is not just a sample. It’s my waste matter.” This surprised the Colonel, who said “excuse me?” and the Doctor repeated what he said. “Sorry”, said the Doctor. “I see. Well then, it appears we don’t need any more of your help. We’ll finish analyzing your sample and get back to you”, said Colonel Mace. The Doctor and Donna then promptly left, with the Doctor embarrassed but fine. The case of this sample was later filed under the codename “Dr. Brown”. THE END.


End file.
